I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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