I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
