dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
