I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
