dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize