WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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