I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
