I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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