the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
did i just pee glitter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
