How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
