You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
