i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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