she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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