Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
