so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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