I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
