I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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