I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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