i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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