I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ttyl tear gas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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