...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
