The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
