Your tits are I can't wait for
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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