then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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