Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh god it's open bar.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
