I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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