Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
