Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
