After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
