recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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