her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
