this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize