He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
