Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
