In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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