He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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