He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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