just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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