oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
