Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
wow bdsm is so cute
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