It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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