My friends, they love my intelligence
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
