I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
