I wannas sexs uuuuu
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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