So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
