bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
