yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
