Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
