i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
