UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
