i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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