ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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