he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
