dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
