Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
