I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
