Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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