I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
