I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
