Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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