he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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