im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
