I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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