So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
