haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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