what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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