whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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