if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
