I wish you could order shots online.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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