i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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