Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
