I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
