i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
