i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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