I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
