I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
