my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
