and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
