I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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