he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
