i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
