I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
