dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
