Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
