Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize