Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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