I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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