You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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