Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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