Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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