I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
