just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
