Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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