i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
