Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
