I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
