She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
