I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
