yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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