p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
