I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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