Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
cat food counts as protein by the way
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
