I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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