My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
